SMALL MESS

[redcheekdays]

i.
my affection can really only be described as violent
and I’m sorry that you never asked for this.
I’m sorry that you didn’t willingly offer your chest
as a sacrifice to my devotion
and that I took scissors to it anyways.
like kids attempting to dig a tunnel through the earth in their backyard
I was trying to excavate a pathway to myself.

I can see now that
THIS PLACE DOESN’T EXIST IN YOU
but I’m selfish enough to continue searching for it anyways.

maybe-
maybe it’s better to forget all you’ve lost,
to just throw the boomerang and run away,
but that raises the assumption that displacements are meaningless
and I like to think that the missing pieces of my body
have scarred over and become invincible.
I refuse to believe that my healing
is anything less
than fearless.

ii.
I suppose that what I’m getting at is
it’s really terrible,
to be in love.
you’re always waiting
and you’re always hungry.
it’s a brave brazen heart
constantly aching
for more.