from first quarantine with abdelhalim hafez

[redcheekdays]

& maybe it is too easy to blame
mortality on our capacity for love
the slow death that is putting
your breath in another’s body
trusting your name in another mouth

from The Sun is Still a Part of Me

[redcheekdays]

I am so busy. I am practicing
my new hobby of watching me
become someone else. There is
so much violence in reconstruction.
Every minute is grisly, but I have
to participate. I am building
what I cannot break.

(no subject)

[redcheekdays]

I don’t think people love me. They love versions of me I have spun for them, versions of me they have construed in their minds. The easy versions of me, the easy parts of me to love.

yes & no

[redcheekdays]

reasons to not kiss him:

1. you weren’t raised to love tender.

2. when he’s around all you do is tremble. when he’s around you want to get on your knees. look how much power he has over you. it’s dangerous.

3. he’s too good at forgiving and you’re too good at violence.

4. you know what they say about monsters. you know what happens to the boys who love them. are you going to do that to him?

5. your hands don’t know how to be gentle. think about the last beautiful thing that shattered in your palms. the fresh rosebuds crumbling between your fingers like a bruise. you wolf-boy, you war machine. you wouldn’t know how to hold something magic and not destroy it.

6. if you hurt him it might kill you

7. if you hurt him you might kill yourself.

8. you are very bad at rehabilitation. this is one addiction you’d fail to give up. he’s going to ruin you for all other kisses and all other boys and you’ll spend the rest of your life trying to forget his name.

9. you still aren’t sure he isn’t a dream.

10. if you kiss him, you might wake up.

reasons to kiss him:

1. because he’s beautiful.

2. because he asked.

3. because he preceded please with, i’m not afraid of you.

[loving]

[redcheekdays]

loving,
in your language,
means i tear chunks from you like some half-
starved bird;
in my language,
means i tear them from myself.

we talk all night.

(no subject)

[redcheekdays]

Seaside homes are no more tragic than others, but often have more ghosts. They come with the tide, mistaking houses for their sunken ships.

from Better Than

[redcheekdays]

Aren’t we fine to hold hard things
even when our tender hands shake—
aren’t we kind to carry whole
graveyards in brittle wishbones? Aren’t
we brave to want more than that which
wants us back?

from And They Were Both Right

[redcheekdays]

What if love is no more than
a tangle of muscles
aching to be untied
by knowing fingers?

What if love is made and nothing else—
asked Narcissus, leaning over the green iris of water.

Nothing else,
cried Echo from the green cochlea of the woods.

And they were both right.
And they were both lonely.

from first quarantine with abdelhalim hafez

[redcheekdays]

& i do know how it is
to be young & always
sick at the mercy of
something meant
to immortalize us

the slow finish is in my heart
its syrup trickle
& i don’t mean love
i mean my wet crooked
actual heart